Day 4

OK. I thought I was done for the night. I was sitting here crying and decided to analyze why I was crying. I mean for real. If I was with George right now all we would be doing it drinking, he would be farting, feeling me up, etc. Nothing special. Nothing that I should really miss. So why am I crying? Really? Yes, I miss him. But, Jamie...this is the right thing for you. It is. I need to be happy that Debbie knows we aren't coming. Because now I know I won't be getting a phone call from him. I know that. And I need to be happy. I asked God to watch out for me and that's exactly what He is doing. If I continue to sit here and cry and mope the devil is just going to come in. I am not saying that I won't allow myself weak moments. But they need to be just that moments. That's it. This is the best thing for me. It is. I know I will come out of it much better.

Day 4

Just basically stabbed myself in the heart. I got this crazy idea to set up this email address and email Debbie to see if X had canceled. Well, she emailed me back and told me it was available, so that's that. I know it's for the best...but GOODNESS it hurts sooooo bad. I wish I had the means to go somewhere next weekend. I really do. Maybe I can go stay in a hotel or something. I just need to be by a pool by myself or something. I just am so sad about this. I really am. I just really need to get through this point.

I took Erin to the Doctor. I think she had a good appt. The diet I wanted her to try wouldn't work for her. I am going to really try to stay on her about eating.

See I am about to cry now.

It hurts.

Day 4

Lost 4.4lbs! I have to keep it up. Plus I just am feeling better because of the exercise. I think it will start coming off more now because it's not my time of the month and plus I am determined to get back down into 130's! I can do it. On FB last night hooked up with some of the guys from Alpha at UGA. I couldn't believe it! Such a long time ago.

But of course, my very first thought this morning was of X. I know I know...I have to go through this and I am missing him so bad right now. I know I am just going through withdrawel, but man.

Well let's see what the day brings...