B

Wow...I have to write it all again. I just miss him today...and wonder if he is even thinking about me. Sux, I know...but it is what it is...

God is protecting me and that's all I can ask for right now.

A-

Today wasn't a bad day at all. Work was fine. Succeeded in my questo to not speak badly of my coworkers...especially Jeremy. Came home, ate and then exercised..so I am ok right now. Haven't cried not once today. I will make it. Not much more to say today...

Weekend - B

Well, I managed to survive this weekend. It was unexpectededly good. I managed to get the car on Friday and get some attention from a guy. Got my hair done on Saturday morning, lunch at Chow Baby with Lori, and some books from Borders. Today went to church and saw Ironman 2. Made Black Eyed Pea Cornbread. Was a little down today, because a week ago was when it happened...but hey I made a week without talking to him or doing anything crazy. I have to just hang on. I know my feelings for him are not just going to go away over night. I wish they would though. And all I try to do is keep remembering the bad times. The MANY times he disrespected me, but for some reason I STILL miss him. I know I know. Love is like a drug and I am just going through withdrawal...but MAN! I just want to snap my fingers and just be over him. See, now I am crying and I managed to not do this all weekend. Why am I crying? Why do I miss him so much? Just why? I know...I KNOW God has something more planned for me, but why does it have to hurt so bad?

A-

Today was a good day...I am just now getting home...because you know why? The car situation WORKED OUT! I was able to get a 2004 Saturn....love it! Very happy with it. And while I was there...not looking 100%...the finance guy asks for my number and he was soooo nervous about it. It still makes me smile. I gave it to him of course, because it was sweet. And hey...it felt good. Work was quiet...and pretty uneventful. I had a few moments today...but was able to get through them. So all in all it was a good day. Now, I have to figure out how I am going to get up to Boston...the flights that I saw for 219...are now gone. So I will just have to see what I can do...but it's the weekend...and hopefully it will pretty uneventful

B-

Got up...got a ride from Rick...went to work. Didn't cry much today...until Dawn called me. She is sooo funny! My friends are absolutely amazing...this would be soo much harder without them and I am glad that I had sense of mind to keep my friendships up. It's amazing about my car situation...I am going to just pray about it and hope everything works out. I found a ticket to Boston that would only cost me 219.00...so I will pray and hope tonight that the car situation will work and I will have money to get the ticket. I really want to see my brother graduate and hang out with him and Christina. So, if it's too be it will be. I have to pray to keep the bad things out of my head and think only good things. The weekend will be hard, but I know I will get through it. I can't help but wonder if he even feels sorry for what happened. I don't know and I can't worry about that. I am in REHAB. I WILL NOT speak to him for 60 days...and that's just a minimum. There is no way I will voluntarily contact him. No way... But that's about it for today. I am doing good, love my friends and family, and I am really just blessed. I really am.

Again...

Again, I am back to being single. X and I are really really over. I mean REALLY. I don't think I would have friends if I took him back. He has done some pretty heinous things to me, but leaving me in another state really tops it all. Or maybe it doesn't top it all...just added to it. I always said that I really needed something to literally pull me away from him...and it finally happened. All I can say is Thank You God. I am happy that I feel Him moving in my life. I am a hardheaded individual. I really am and that is something that I really think I should work on.

Well, now it's time to once again regroup. But I think no I know this time will be different. I really feel and know that I am blocking some blessing because of X. I am still angry with him and more than hurt, but I know it will pass. I hope he just decides to stay mad at me.

Well, work was good coming off from a vacation. My coworker, Rick gave me a ride to work seeing as how I don't have a car right now...but that will change on Friday. Jeremy, my boss, thankfully did not come in and I hope he stays out for the rest of the week. LOL. It would be great.

Well, I am going to try to work on myself. Think positive and be strong...that's about all I can do.

More Later...