OK...so today wasn't too bad at all. Woke up and went to check on the storage place to make sure I could get in and of course I left the key! But it was ok. My landlord said she will put my things into another house for me and I can get it over the weekend. Going to see if my uncle can help me. Sony texted me today. First one "Good Morning" 2. Can you let me know the outcome of that hit and run case when it comes out?" 3. How r u doing? 4. Nose and throat still icky. And the kicker: It's sinuses. I forgot to take that pill b4 bed. Plus I gotta flu shot on tues. I'm listening to neyo right now. Thought of u. Hmmph...I replied to everything except that Thought of you. Whatever. Now that know the signs of narcissist...there is no way I am going to fall into the trap. So far so good. He then called me and we talked about the case and that's all. I think he said he was going to call me from his desk or for me to call him...either way I didn't call him and he didn't call me. So it's all good. I then just got off the phone with my two Musketeers about a Goth on FB. Fun times!

OK. My life has been turned upside down again, but for once I am going to take responsibility for my actions. I lost my job in August...the one I was constantly complaining about. Sony and I are once again on the outs. And I have moved back in with my mother. This past Sunday was an awful day. I just cried and cried because I asked Sony to help me keep my place and he stated No. Over and over again. I sat there in his house for about 5 hours begging him to help me and he said he couldn't because he doesn't trust me. He said I left him too many times and I told him he never did anything for me therefore he will "own" that position. He told me I was an evil and manipulative person. I was crushed. He told me I used to be this sweet and happy person.

Now once I stopped crying and looked at the situation. I realized Sony was right. I did use to be really happy and had this great outlook on life and love and I want that back. It's not completely his fault. I mean, I have no come to know that he is a low level narcissist and I was just his fix...that's why Sony isn't getting any calls or texts from me. I won't disappear or change my number, I will do the Fade to Black. All these years I have been wanting him to do it...but it's been me who needs to do it. And I am going to conciously make decisions to change my life. I am at the bottom right now...no money, job, or place to live. I can really only go up right now...God Willing.

B

Wow...I have to write it all again. I just miss him today...and wonder if he is even thinking about me. Sux, I know...but it is what it is...

God is protecting me and that's all I can ask for right now.

A-

Today wasn't a bad day at all. Work was fine. Succeeded in my questo to not speak badly of my coworkers...especially Jeremy. Came home, ate and then exercised..so I am ok right now. Haven't cried not once today. I will make it. Not much more to say today...

Weekend - B

Well, I managed to survive this weekend. It was unexpectededly good. I managed to get the car on Friday and get some attention from a guy. Got my hair done on Saturday morning, lunch at Chow Baby with Lori, and some books from Borders. Today went to church and saw Ironman 2. Made Black Eyed Pea Cornbread. Was a little down today, because a week ago was when it happened...but hey I made a week without talking to him or doing anything crazy. I have to just hang on. I know my feelings for him are not just going to go away over night. I wish they would though. And all I try to do is keep remembering the bad times. The MANY times he disrespected me, but for some reason I STILL miss him. I know I know. Love is like a drug and I am just going through withdrawal...but MAN! I just want to snap my fingers and just be over him. See, now I am crying and I managed to not do this all weekend. Why am I crying? Why do I miss him so much? Just why? I know...I KNOW God has something more planned for me, but why does it have to hurt so bad?

A-

Today was a good day...I am just now getting home...because you know why? The car situation WORKED OUT! I was able to get a 2004 Saturn....love it! Very happy with it. And while I was there...not looking 100%...the finance guy asks for my number and he was soooo nervous about it. It still makes me smile. I gave it to him of course, because it was sweet. And hey...it felt good. Work was quiet...and pretty uneventful. I had a few moments today...but was able to get through them. So all in all it was a good day. Now, I have to figure out how I am going to get up to Boston...the flights that I saw for 219...are now gone. So I will just have to see what I can do...but it's the weekend...and hopefully it will pretty uneventful

B-

Got up...got a ride from Rick...went to work. Didn't cry much today...until Dawn called me. She is sooo funny! My friends are absolutely amazing...this would be soo much harder without them and I am glad that I had sense of mind to keep my friendships up. It's amazing about my car situation...I am going to just pray about it and hope everything works out. I found a ticket to Boston that would only cost me 219.00...so I will pray and hope tonight that the car situation will work and I will have money to get the ticket. I really want to see my brother graduate and hang out with him and Christina. So, if it's too be it will be. I have to pray to keep the bad things out of my head and think only good things. The weekend will be hard, but I know I will get through it. I can't help but wonder if he even feels sorry for what happened. I don't know and I can't worry about that. I am in REHAB. I WILL NOT speak to him for 60 days...and that's just a minimum. There is no way I will voluntarily contact him. No way... But that's about it for today. I am doing good, love my friends and family, and I am really just blessed. I really am.